The Apocalypse Is Now
by RockSunner
Summary: The Pines family faces the aftermath of "Not What He Seems." Spoiler alert.
1. The Apocalypse

**The Apocalypse Is Now**

**Chapter 1 - The Apocalypse**

The room was full of chaos. The Portal had dropped from its mount on the wall and fallen at an angle. Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Stan had dropped to the floor, stunned.

Dipper picked himself up, and his face was full of rage. By sheer luck they had survived, no thanks to Mabel or "Stan."

There was a swirl of energy from the Portal, and a muffled figure stepped through.

One of the Journals was on the floor. The figure picked it up with a six-fingered left hand and put it into his coat pocket, where there was a quill.

Dipper and Mabel stared, open-mouthed.

"What... Who _is_ that?" asked Dipper.

"The author of the journals. _My brother,_" said Stan.

The figure pulled off his hood and goggles, revealing a frowning face very similar to Stan's.

"Is this the part where one of us faints?" asked Mabel.

"Ohoho, I am _so_ on it, dude," said Soos, and he fainted.

"I can't believe you actually did this, Stanley," said the Author. "I've been detecting activity in the region where I entered the other dimension, but I couldn't believe you would go all the way to opening it. The risk to this world..."

"I had to get you back, Stanford," said the man they had called "Grunkle Stan."

"Thanks, but it was a huge mistake. Who are these kids?" the Author asked.

"My grand-kids, Mabel and Dipper Pines," said Stan. "Your grand niece and nephew."

"Grand-kids?" asked Mabel. "You're our Grandpa and not our Grunkle?"

"I don't care who you are," said Dipper. "To me you're just a criminal that nearly destroyed the world."

"How bad is the damage?" asked the Author.

"It was only minor this afternoon. Just hot spots where gravity went weak," said Stan. "People were lifted up, stuff like that."

"The Portal looked unstable from my end. The longer you operated it the greater the risk," said the Author.

"It was an insane risk," said Dipper. "Mabel, why didn't you shut it down? Why did you trust this criminal instead of me?"

"I looked in his eyes and saw there was good in them," said Mabel.

Dipper responded with a bitter snarl, and turned his eyes away from her.

"Thank you for believing in me, Mabel," said Stan. "It means a lot to me."

"The government agents who arrested you, what happened to them?" asked Dipper.

"I got away during one of the gravity glitches," said Stan. "They chased after a taxi I paid to lead them away from here. We should have time to get out of here."

"I hope they catch you," said Dipper. "And put you away for life."

"Dipper, don't be so hard on our Grandpa," said Mabel. "He did it for his brother, our real Grunkle."

"One man. He risked the world for one man," said Dipper.

"I agree with you, kid," said the Author. "I'm not worth it."

"We need to get up and out of here before the elevators fail," said Stan. "They have their own back-up power system, but with all the damage we can't chance it."

They revived Soos enough for him to stagger out. The Author scooped up the other two Journals as they left.

When they got to the surface they found the Mystery Shack was a complete wreck. The merchandise in the Gift Shop was smashed. The floor was at a crazy angle. Power was out and pipes were broken.

"How are we ever going to get this fixed up?" asked Mabel.

"Right now we're not going to bother with that," said Stan. "We have bigger things to worry about. Gather up any of your stuff you want, quickly. We're going to the Bunker."

Dipper nodded, but secretly planned to get away as soon as he could to alert the law.

"How do you know about my Bunker?" asked the Author. "I kept that secret even from you."

"After I found out about the black-light secret writing, I went and checked it out one night," said Stan. "There's a good supply of food there. I ate a can of the beans and they were pretty good."

"So it was you who left that freshly-opened can of beans," said Dipper. "And probably the one who let the Shape-Shifter out."

"The Shape-Shifter is loose?" asked the Author in dismay.

"I thawed it out and talked to it for a bit," said Stan. "I froze it back up again."

"You probably did it wrong," said Dipper. "When we got down there it had broken loose from its cryogenic tube. We had to fight it and get it into another tube to freeze it again."

"How did you kids manage to beat it?" asked the Author.

"We've had a bit of experience," said Mabel. "We've fought gnomes, golf-ball-heads, zombies, you name it."

"Impressive," said the Author.

"Your Journal 3 helped a lot," said Dipper.

They went outside for a look around. It was like an earthquake. The car was overturned. Even the roads were buckled.

"This town will never be the same," said Dipper. "Look at the damage you did!"

"You think it's just the town?" said the Author. "With this much gravitational disruption there will be destruction like this world-wide."

"World-wide!?" said Dipper, his mouth falling open in shock. "But that means chaos. Civilization will break down."

"It's an Apocalypse," said the Author. "I don't think my brother will have to worry about the authorities coming after him for a long time, if ever. They'll have their hands full."

Stan said. "I've been preparing for this. Why do you think I stockpiled canned meat, and told people to buy gold? It's the only thing that will work as money in times like these."

"You brought this on the world to benefit from it? You're a monster," said Dipper.

"Will Mom and Dad be all right?" asked Mabel.

"I don't know," said Stan. "It isn't safe to try and get you home."

"Everything will be out: power, communications, you name it," said the Author.

"If we want to survive, we're stuck living with the worst villain in history," said Dipper.

"And his brother," said the Author.

"Yay!" said Mabel. "Camping out with our Grandpa and Grunkle."

"That's the spirit," said Stan. "It won't be so bad."

"Yes, it will," said Dipper.


	2. The Reason

**The Reason**

Dipper and Mabel went up the broken stairs, stepping over splinters, to see what could be salvaged from their room.

"I hope my sweaters are all right," said Mabel. "And Waddles."

Dipper just scowled and said nothing.

"You're going to forgive me and Grandpa Stan, aren't you, bro-bro?" asked Mabel. "After all, we did save our Grunkle."

They had reached the attic floor. Dipper turned on Mabel.

"Don't ask me to forgive you. If you realized what you did, you'd never forgive yourself," said Dipper.

"W-what are you saying?" asked Mabel.

"The gravity effects of the Portal have broken civilization all over the world. Thousands of people must have already died, in car crashes, or from not being able to get to hospitals. Millions more are going to die over the next few days. Picture kids like us who don't have relatives who prepared with canned food and bunkers, dying from hunger and thirst," said Dipper.

"Oh no!" said Mabel.

"Stan knew this would happen. He's the worst mass-murderer in history. You helped him, so you're his accomplice," said Dipper.

Mabel let out a wail louder than the time she lost Waddles. She sat down on the floor and pulled her sweater over her head. Dipper could hear her sobbing under there.

The Author came upstairs. "What's going on up there? Did you make your sister cry?"

"All I did was point out how many people are going to die because she didn't shut off the portal," said Dipper.

Dipper's heart was wavering out of pity for Mabel, but he still felt he was in the right.

"Listen, young punk. You don't have all the facts. You should have asked more questions before making your sister cry," said the Author.

"What facts?" asked Dipper.

"There's something worse coming, a demon that I sealed from affecting the real world," said the Author. "If he gets loose for real, everything that is happening to humanity right now will seem like a Sunday picnic."

"You mean Bill...?" asked Dipper.

"Don't say his name," said the Author, making the gesture of a triangle over his eye. "There's a ceremony to seal him away forever, but it requires ten specific people who were prophesied years ago."

The Author got Journal 2 from his pocket and showed Dipper the picture of the Ring around Bill Cipher.

"See the Six-Fingered Hand? That's me. The Pine Tree is you. Without all of us gathered together, he is sure to break the seal soon."

"So Stan had get you free, to save the world from him, no matter how terrible the side effects," said Dipper.

"You got it," said the Author. "Now apologize to your sister."

Dipper went over to Mabel and put an arm around her. "Mabel?"

"Don't touch me. I'm a murderer."

"We have to get moving to pack up and go."

"Leave me to die. That's what I deserve."

"I'm sorry I said that. I was wrong. Grunkle... I mean Grandpa Stan was trying to save the world from something even worse. If you had listened to me, everyone would be doomed."

"Really?"

"You listened to your heart and did the right thing. Because of that, we have a chance to save the world."

Mabel put her tear-stained face out of the top of her sweater. "Dipper!"

Dipper said, "Mabel!"

"Awkward sibling hug?" asked Mabel.

"Awkward sibling hug," said Dipper.

They hugged each other and both said, "Pat pat" as they patted each other's backs.


	3. The Teams

**The Teams**

They set up a rough camp that night in the Bunker. There were still many more things they wanted to take, but they didn't want to make many more trips back and forth in the dark.

Dinner that night was going to be canned beans, but Soos delighted everyone by producing his slice of infinite pizza, and all had their fill.

After dinner, Soos said, "Dudes, I'd better go check that my Abuelita is all right."

Mabel asked, "Can you leave the pizza with us?"

"We should let him take it," said Dipper. "It's his time wish."

"I'll let you hold onto it," said Soos. "Guard it with your life, okay dudes?"

Dipper and Mabel were exhausted both physically and emotionally. They fell asleep under blankets on the floor of the Bunker without saying anything more to each other.

In the morning, the four met together to plan after a breakfast of more pizza.

"We need to gather the Ten," said the Author.

"Who are the Ten?" asked Mabel..

He showed the page with the Wheel of ten symbols, and asked, "Do you know people connected to these?"

"Don't you know who they all are?" asked Dipper.

"Remember, I haven't been around here for ten years," said the Author.

"Thirty years," said Stan.

"Strange, time must have passed differently in the other dimension," said the Author.

"We know who the Pine Tree, Shooting Star, and Question Mark are," said Dipper. "The triangle called me, Mabel, and Soos by those names in the Dreamscape."

"The Stitched Heart must be Robbie, and the Fez Symbol must be Grandpa Stan," said Mabel. "I'm not sure about the Llama. It looks like an animal on one of my sweaters, but backwards and not smiling."

"Why did you put exclamation marks pointing to the Glasses?" asked Dipper.

"Because that makes two symbols associated with me. I know I'm the Six-Fingered Hand, but the Glasses look just like mine," said the Author.

"It's a prophecy, so maybe the person doesn't have them yet," said Dipper.

"Do you still have my spare pair of glasses, Stanley?" the Author asked. "I used to have a pair on the table under the calendar in my room."

"I've got them," said Stan. "I used them to make an Invisible Man exhibit for the Mystery Shack. I put them on strings under a bowler hat."

"Why did you do that?" asked the Author.

"So I would see them every day, and be reminded of you in a way that made me smile," said Stan. "A missing man is like an invisible man."

"Maybe the glasses should go on the invisible wizard!" said Mabel.

"What invisible wizard?" asked the Author.

"The one who sometimes lurks in our closet," said Mabel. "And unties Dipper's shoe laces."

"I think he's a figment of your imagination," said Dipper.

"He is not!" said Mabel.

"Maybe we can find someone who needs glasses but doesn't have a good pair right now," suggested the Author. "We could give the spare pair to him."

"Old Man McGucket!" said Dipper. "He lost his glasses and he's using a broken pair of goggles right now."

"That should work," said the Author. "Now, what about the Llama, the Ice, and the Star?"

"The Star is a symbol for Gideon," said Dipper. "He's going to be real trouble. We'll have to break him out of jail."

"If he hasn't already broken out," said Stan. "He's trouble, all right. He hates all of us."

"Except for me," said Mabel. "He likes me too much."

"We have to get him to co-operate with us to seal the demon," said the Author. "Do you think you could persuade him, Mabel?"

"Eew, I don't know," said Mabel.

"We'll save him for last, and work something out," said Stan.

"What about the Ice?" asked the Author.

"That could be Wendy, an employee of mine," said Stan. "We use that brand of ice, and she's always taking some up to a cooler on the roof for a break."

"You knew about that?" asked Dipper.

"Yeah, I knew," said Stan. "Remember, we were eating ice pops and shooting fireworks up there yesterday."

"That seems like a lifetime ago," said Dipper. "When I used to trust you."

"Let's stick to the subject," said the Author. "What about the Llama?"

"When I was talking to Pacifica Northwest at her family mansion I saw a picture of llamas in one of the rooms," said Dipper.

"That's good, but it would be nice to have a symbol she could wear," said the Author.

"I'll knit Pacifica a friendship sweater out of llama wool, with a llama like the one on the Wheel," said Mabel.

"You can knit?" asked the Author. "Being able to make your own clothing will be a useful skill in these times."

"Yeah, I can," said Mabel.

"You know, this town may do better than some, living without civilization," said Dipper. "They have a Pioneer Day once a year to practice the skills."

"The Northwests are the big sponsors of that," said Mabel. "I wonder if they knew something like this was coming?"

"Those snooty rich folks wouldn't know anything about an Apocalypse," said Dipper.

"I wouldn't be that surprised if they did," said Stan. "That family has been around here a long time."

"You're the expert on dark family secrets," said Dipper.

"We have a lot of ground to cover to get everyone," said the Author. "I suggest we split into two teams."

"Yay!" said Mabel. "The old Mystery Twins versus the new Mystery Twins."

"Actually, I'd rather go with our real Grunkle Stanford," said Dipper. "You can go with Stan, since you trust him so much."

"Aren't we the Mystery Twins any more?" asked Mabel.

"That's over," said Dipper.

Mabel looked disappointed and started to protest.

"Dipper's right, sweetie," said Stan. "Things are a lot more dangerous out there now. We need an adult in each group. You and I will make a good team."

Dipper said, "Mabel, your team can go for Soos, Robbie, and Wendy. Grunkle Stanford and I will find McGucket and Pacifica. Then we'll all join back up here and go for Gideon together."

"You only have to do two and we get three?" asked Mabel.

"Ours may be harder to get," said Dipper.

* * *

Dipper and the Author headed out together to the Mystery Shack to get the glasses they would need for McGucket.

"You were pretty hard on your sister again," said the Author. "I thought you two had made up."

"It's not that simple," said Dipper. "Mabel and I are growing apart. We're just too different to make a good team. She promised to help me with investigations after getting caught up in a crazy puppet show to impress her crush of the week, but it didn't work out. On my last big case at the Northwest Manor, she didn't help at all. She was so caught up with boy-chasing that she didn't even notice the ghost I was fighting. She didn't help with the giant bat case before that, either. Too busy building a dream house in the backyard for her supposedly married pets Gompers and Waddles, a goat and a pig."

"Twins don't always have the same interests," said the Author. "Like me and my brother. I got into research and he turned to crime."

"I don't see us being that close any more," said Dipper. "Something broke inside me when she trusted Stan over me, even though it turned out she did the right thing. I thought we were going to die, and my last words would have been screaming at her."

"That's too bad," said the Author.

"The only time we were a good team recently was playing a game called Globnar. We're a good laser tag team. But not a mystery solving team."

"You solved the mystery of what Stan was up to and got down to his Portal room. That was pretty good," said the Author.

"I feel so dumb. It was right under our noses the whole time," said Dipper. "But it took professionals to point out the clues. And in the end it didn't matter if we solved it or not. The right thing to do was to do nothing."

"You have a good head on your shoulders," said the Author. "We'll do all right as a team."

"Thanks," said Dipper. "I trust you more than Mabel and Stan."

* * *

They got into the museum part of the Mystery Shack and found the Invisible Man exhibit, with a bowler hat and the spare glasses suspended on strings.

"That's funny," said Dipper. "It seemed like the glasses turned to look at me just now."

"Probably just a lingering gravitational anomaly," said the Author.

"I guess you're right," said Dipper.

The glasses shook from side to side for a second, but the Author took them and put them in his pocket.


	4. The Graveyard

**The Graveyard**

Mabel and her grandfather set off from the Bunker.

"Grunkle Stan, I mean, Grandpa Stanley, where shall we go first?" asked Mabel. "We need to get Soos, Robbie, and Wendy. I know where Robbie lives, but I haven't been to Wendy's house. Dipper has, but I forgot to ask him."

"Robbie knows where Wendy lives," said Stan. "He was dating her, until I helped break them up."

"That works," said Mabel. "We should get Robbie first. The cemetery, where his family lives, is closer than Soos' grandmother's house."

They set off walking down the road on the outskirts of town, heading to the Valentino home at the cemetery.

"I thought Dipper had forgiven me, but it seems like he still has hard feelings," said Mabel. "Do you think he'll ever really forgive us?"

"I think he'll forgive you," said Stan. "It's partly hurt pride. He thought of himself as really smart, but there were so many secrets he didn't know. Then he had to swallow his 'I told you so', which made it even worse."

"He was partly right," said Mabel. "We really did mess up the world."

"I had to, to prevent an even worse mess," said Stan. "It's not your fault. I take full responsibility."

"What about you? Do you think Dipper will forgive you?"

"I don't know. I kept so many secrets from him, from both of you," said Stan. "I thought the less you knew, the less chance the triangle demon would come after you."

"That didn't really work out," said Mabel. "The triangle came after Dipper, big time. When my big puppet show ended so badly, that was me fighting to get Dipper back after he was possessed. He could have ended up a like ghost forever, only able to talk to us through puppets."

"What? I thought that ending was just you two goofing around," said Stan. "How did Dipper get mixed up with the demon that badly?"

"He was trying to figure out the password on the laptop we found in the Bunker," said Mabel. "Dipper couldn't guess it, so he made a deal with Bill for help in exchange for a puppet. Except it turned out his body was the puppet."

"Wait a minute," said Stan. "Dipper got a laptop from the Bunker and he was trying to break into it? I meant to ask you two about why you went into the Bunker in the first place. I thought Dipper promised not to investigate any more."

"And you promised you had nothing more to hide," said Mabel. "You were both lying to each other, and look where it got us."

"It's like me and my brother all over again," said Stan. "He got paranoid and secretive with me and we ended up separated for thirty years."

"How did he end up in the Portal?" asked Mabel.

"I don't know all the details. You'll have to ask him," said Stan. "But I was upstairs, ready to head off curious people drawn by the effects of the Portal."

* * *

FLASHBACK

Stan was in the living room when Fiddleford and Ivan came rushing out of the basement. Each of them had a Journal under his arm. Ivan's right eye was bleeding.

"It's all gone wrong!" Fiddleford shouted. "I've shut the Portal down."

"What happened to Stanford?" Stanley asked.

"Lost in the Portal," said Ivan. "He sacrificed himself to save us."

"You've got to open the Portal back up and get him back!" Stanley said.

"No!" said Fiddleford. "It's too dangerous. We're taking the Journals so it can't be opened again."

Stanley came at Ivan to try to grab one of the Journals, but the two men shoved him back. Stanley fell back and hit his head on the wall, and he was stunned for few minutes.

When he came to himself, the two were gone. He rushed down the stairs to the elevator and went down to the Portal level.

There were signs of a struggle. Under an overturned chair, he found Journal 1.

"Stanford!" he called.

The room was silent. The Portal was shut down. Without the codes in the missing Journals, he might never be able to activate it again.

* * *

"We saw a tape of McGucket saying he had quit the project," said Mabel.

"He did, for a while," said Stan. "Then he came back, saying he couldn't remember why he quit."

"That figures," said Mabel. "People who forget their mistakes are bound to repeat them. That was the problem with the Blind Eye Society."

"You met the Blind Eye Society?" asked Stan.

"Yep, and you nearly ended up with two grandkids who forgot their whole summer. But we turned the tables on them and erased their memories of the Society instead," said Mabel.

"Sounds like more secret investigations I should know about," said Stan. "But we can talk about that later. Here's the Valentino's house."

They knocked at the door and the Valentino couple answered.

"Good morning," said Mr. Valentino. "Mabel, are you here to make funeral arrangements for your brother? We'll give you a discount as a friend of Robbie's."

"No!" said Mabel. "He isn't dead."

"Sorry," said Mrs. Valentino. "Seeing you and your uncle here without your brother, we just assumed..."

"There was such a catastrophe yesterday. So much death – it'll be great for business, right, dear?" said Mr. Valentino.

"Absolutely," said Mrs. Valentino. They both laughed.

"Mr. and Mrs. Valentino, I thought you were nice before but now you're creeping me out just a little..." said Mabel.

"Sorry about that," said Mr. Valentino. "It's just our way. If you don't like it, it's your funeral."

Both laughed again.

"We really need to speak to Robbie," said Mabel.

"Upstairs in his room," said Mrs. Valentino.

Stan and Mabel went upstairs and knocked on the door to Robbie's room.

"Go away," said Robbie.

"This is Mabel. I need to talk with you."

There was a rustling sound inside the room.

"This is not a good time," said Robbie.

"I heard a 'come in'," said Mabel, pushing open the door.

Robbie had his shirt off. Tambry was there also, standing by Robbie's bed. She looked like she had just thrown her clothes on hastily.

"So you caught me here," said Tambry. "Make of it what you will."

"It doesn't bother me," said Mabel.

"Eh," said Stan, shrugging.

"Robbie, there's an important deal you need to help us with," said Mabel. "It's about what happened yesterday, with the gravity and all. We need you to come with us."

"Huh," said Robbie. "I guess I owe you one, for helping me and Tambry get together. Just a minute, let me finish getting dressed."

"I want to come too," said Tambry. "My cell phone isn't working. If I can't text you then being with you and talking face to face is the next best thing."

They went downstairs and Robbie told his parents he was going out. They accepted this, and the presence of Tambry, cheerfully without asking any questions.

"Be careful, things will be a bit wild out there," said Mr. Valentino.

"Don't let the monsters bite, dear. Let them know that you're one of them," said Mrs. Valentino.

"If you have to sacrifice the little girl and the old man, that's okay," said Mr. Valentino.

"Thanks a bunch," said Stan.

As they headed down the road, Mabel asked, "You're monsters?"

"I'm undead," said Robbie.

"A zombie?" asked Mabel fearfully. "I wish we had Dipper along to sing with us."

"Not a zombie. I'm a draugr, a Norse magic undead. We keep our smarts and skills. My parents are necromancers on the side. They brought me back when I died last year."

"You're all right with that?" Mabel asked Tambry.

"I'm a monster too," said Tambry. "I'm a shape-changer. Robbie and I are perfect for each other."

"Wow," said Mabel. "I really am a good matchmaker."

"It'll be good to have some monster muscle on our side as we go through town," said Stan. "I expect things could get ugly there."

"Next stop, Soos. Then we need to get Wendy," said Mabel.


	5. The Runaway

**The Runaway**

"So, where do we look for McGucket?" the Author asked Dipper. "Is he still running McGucket Labs in town?"

"No, he's really come down in the world since your time," said Dipper. "The best place to look is at his shack in the junkyard."

"He really lives in the junkyard?" asked the Author.

"He erased his memories too much and he became the local kook," said Dipper. "But he's getting better."

"Memory erasure," said the Author. "I suspected he was behind a mass wave of forgetfulness in the town."

"That was the Society of the Blind Eye," said Dipper. "We ran into them, and shut them down. McGucket invented a mind erasing gun and founded that secret society to make people forget frightening supernatural things they saw. I read your page about them in Journal 3. How did you find out about them?"

"I had paid an agent to bring me reports of monster sightings for my research, but it was happening less and less. Many people started acting dazed and forgetful. I saw marks on walls of an eye crossed out all over town."

"I've seen those, too," said Dipper. "But you even sketched one of their robes."

"One day, I heard someone shout 'It is unseen!' and when I ran to look I glimpsed a hooded figure with the crossed-out eye symbol on his hood running away."

"McGucket was working with you on the Portal before that," said Dipper. "I saw a record he made of the times he erased his memories, and he said something had frightened him that he wished to unsee. Do you know what that was? Was it when you vanished into the Portal?"

"Something frightened him a couple of months before that. He was monitoring the Portal by himself one night. Something scared him so much that he quit the project. About a week later he returned, and when I asked him about it he couldn't remember why he quit. His manner was a bit strange, but he was still technically brilliant and useful to me, so I took him back."

"He got a lot worse," said Dipper. "But he's getting better now."

"Let's go find him," said the Author.

"I know a short-cut through the woods from here to the junkyard," said Dipper.

As they were walking along through the trees, the Author suddenly cocked his head to one side. "Did you hear that? It sounded like a moan."

Dipper listened carefully. At first he didn't hear anything, but then he heard a weak cry for help.

They followed the sound and found McGucket collapsed on the ground.

"Fiddleford, is that you?" asked the Author. "I can hardly recognize you."

"Help me! I hurt my leg and I cain't get up," said McGucket.

Dipper checked the leg. "I think it's broken, but not too badly."

"I picked up some bandages from the Shack, just in case we needed them," the Author said.

They made a rough splint from some sticks and the bandages. The Author supported McGucket, who was able to get to his feet and hobble around with the help of a large stick as crutch.

"What happened?" asked Dipper. "How did you get out here?"

"I was trying to git out of town to avoid the Apocalypse what done happened," said McGucket. "Then gravity flimflammed off and I floated way up in the air. I grabbed a tree, but when gravity flimflammed back on I had to let go and I fell. I'm all right apart from the leg, I reckon, but my raccoon wife chewed out of my bag and escaped while I was helpless."

"You knew this was coming?" asked the Author.

"I fixed up the old laptop and ran me some calculations, so I had it all figgered," said McGucket. "I tried to warn Dipper here the day before yesterday, but he was all caught up with a purty girl at a party and he didn't want to listen."

"I'm sorry," said Dipper. "I should have taken it more seriously. You said the end times were coming, and that's exactly what happened."

"Why didn't you come see me yesterday?" asked McGucket. "I coulda prepared you for this."

Dipper hung his head in shame. "I forgot. Mabel and I were playing with fireworks and water balloons, and then government agents came to arrest Stan and everything got crazy."

"It's all water under the bridge now," said the Author. "Fiddleford, we need your help with something important."

"I could do that, but... who are you?" asked McGucket.

"Don't you remember me? I'm Stanford Pines, the researcher you worked with on the Portal."

"You seem kinda familiar, and kinda not," said McGucket. "I saw a tape of the man I once was, when I was working with you. I think somethin' real bad happened, and it scared me so I wanted to fergit. What can you tell me?"

"I'm not sure what scared you off the project the first time, but I can tell you a bit about how it ended," said the Author.

"Go ahead, I'm ready as I'll ever be," said McGucket.

"I had just worked out how dangerous the Portal was, and its potential to destroy the world, if not the universe," said the Author. "I knew we had to shut it down. I told you and Ivan Blotts, my other assistant, that we had to use the emergency button to power it off. But the risk of instability was too great. Someone had to go through the Portal right before it was shut off. That would temporarily lower the dimensional field levels enough to allow a safe shut-down."

"But that left you trapped," said Dipper.

"I had to do it," said the Author.

"What about the triangle demon, and the seal?" asked Dipper.

"I thought my original seal would hold safely, as long as some idiot didn't summon him," said the Author.

"Some idiot did," said Dipper. "Gideon."

"When my brother recovered Journal 2, he found my coded notes about the prophecy of the Ten," said the Author. "He had wanted to get me back before, but after that he knew it was urgent."

"We're another step closer to sealing that demon away forever, now that we have another one of the Ten," said Dipper. "The Glasses."

"What glasses are you talkin' about?" asked McGucket.

"These glasses are for you," said the Author, taking them out of his pocket.

McGucket put them on. "These work a durn sight better than those old goggles I found. Thank you!"

"Thank you," said the Author. "If the other team does their job, all we need now is to find the Llama."

"Pacifica," said Dipper. "We have to go to the Northwest Manor."


	6. The Mob

**The Mob**

Mabel and the rest cut through the woods to get to the back of the house of Soos and his grandmother. Mabel had the infinite pizza with her, and she tore off bites as she went.

"It's best to avoid the main streets right now," said Stan. "Things will get ugly in town when people realize how big this thing really is."

"How big is it?" asked Robbie.

"Worldwide," said Stan. "It's the Apocalypse I warned you about. I hope you buried your gold like I warned you."

"I didn't believe you. I didn't buy or bury any gold," said Robbie.

"Too bad for you, then," said Stan.

"Wow!" said Tambry. "I've got to text... No, wait. I can't. I won't ever be able to again. This really is a catastrophe!"

"At least we have each other, babe," said Robbie.

"So we do," said Tambry, giving him an along-side hug as they walked.

"Hooray for love!" said Mabel.

* * *

They arrived at the house. Mabel went to the door and knocked.

"Soos, are you in there?" Mabel called.

Soos' Abuelita came to the door. "Good morning."

"You're all right!" said Mabel.

"It takes more than a few little bumps to send me to heaven with the angels," said Abuelita. "Soos, mi hijo, your friends are here."

Soos came from his room with a large bag of stuff.

"Yo, dudes, I collected a few more things from the Mystery Shack on my way home last night. I also got a few more things from here, like my make-pretend race car set."

"Great, that'll be fun to play with in the Bunker," said Mabel.

"It works without power, dude," said Soos. "Vroom vroom!"

"What more did you get from the Shack?" asked Stan.

"A chunk of the carpet that was in a pile of junk in the attic, and the ship painting from Dipper's room."

"What's the use of taking that?" asked Stan.

"Oh, I know a few secrets from that place, some that maybe even you didn't know, Mr. Pines," said Soos.

"Hmm," said Stan. "Well, we need to get going."

"I'm heading out now, Abuelita," said Soos. "Will you be all right?"

"I'll be fine," said Abuelita. "I learned from the last time we had a crisis and I have many cans of frijoles saved up."

"I'll be back to check on you soon," said Soos.

"And I'll come out to check on you soon, mi hijo," said Abuelita. "Your life is my soap opera."

"Next stop is Wendy's place," said Mabel. "Robbie and Tambry, you lead the way."

* * *

They cut into town a little way, and then back into the woods again. Everywhere were signs of damage: trees toppled, roads buckled, and pieces of buildings strewn around.

"What a mess," said Robbie, and Tambry nodded agreement.

"It's going to take a lot of fixing up," said Soos. "Lots of work for a handyman."

"If they can afford it," said Stan. "We'll rent out your services in exchange for commodities. There's no money in tourist traps any more."

"Grandpa Stan, we have to help, even if it's for free," said Mabel. "This town is probably going to be our home for the rest of our lives. It's our responsibility to make it the best it can be."

"Yeah, but we can still fleece the suckers," said Stan.

* * *

Wendy was at home with her family. The sturdy building was in relatively good shape.

"Stan, what's going on?" she asked. "I tried to go into work yesterday and there were police everywhere, so I went home. Then gravity went crazy."

"I had some minor troubles with the law," said Stan. "It's sorted out for now."

"Was it about that badger?" asked Wendy.

"They badgered me a little about that, and I badgered them back," said Stan. "The Mystery Shack is closed for the foreseeable future, but we do have a job for you."

"Good. I need to get out of the house," said Wendy. "My family is driving me crazy."

When Wendy came outside, she saw Robbie and Tambry and stopped short. "What are you doing here?"

"Mr. Pines has some kind of mission planned, and we're in on it," said Robbie.

"Maybe I should stay home after all," said Wendy.

"Come on, Wendy," said Mabel. "We really need you to help save the world. I thought you'd gotten over being mad at Robbie."

"Not completely," said Wendy. "Pretty much. Seeing them together when I wasn't expecting it kinda triggers me, you know?"

"They're really suited to each other since they're both monsters," said Mabel.

"Monsters?" said Wendy.

"I'm an undead draugr," said Robbie.

"I'm a shape-shifter," said Tambry.

"Why did you ever want to date me?" Wendy asked Robbie.

"The undead have feelings too, you know," said Robbie crossly. "I started liking you before I ever died."

"Get over your ex, both of you," said Tambry.

"I'll bet there really was some dark undead magic in that music CD you used on me," said Wendy.

"If there was, I didn't know about it. My parents gave me a special carrying case, to bring me luck, they said. They're necromancers and I think they put a spell on it."

"Huh," said Wendy. "I know a little about that sort of thing. I could have been a witch, but my mother died before I could be fully trained."

"Maybe my parents could train you," said Robbie.

"That would be nice," said Wendy.

"It looks like we have a truce, monsters and witch" said Mabel. "Let's move on to the mission."

* * *

As they were heading back to the Mystery Shack on the road that passed by Greasy's Diner, they saw a large mob gathered, banging on the door of the diner.

"We know you have food in there!" one man demanded. "Open up and give it to us!"

"Go away or I'm calling the police," called Lazy Susan from inside.

"We're already here," called Sheriff Blubs. "We want food, too!"

"Yeah!" yelled Deputy Durland.

"Grandpa Stan, we've got to help Lazy Susan!" said Mabel.

"It would be better not to get involved," said Stan.

"She's nice," said Mabel. "You even dated her,"

"All the more reason not to get involved," said Stan.

Mabel ignored this and charged in to the rescue. "Leave her alone and I'll give you pizza!"

She demonstrated how the infinite pizza worked.

"Free pizza!" yelled the Free Pizza Guy.

The mob swarmed around Mabel; she tore off pieces as fast as she could.

"Dude, don't lose my time wish!" said Soos.


	7. The Trap

**The Trap**

In a tree near Greasy's Diner, a pair of glasses clung to a branch by its earpieces. It moved its lenses back and forth to get the best possible view of the crowd below.

In a secret room, two people were watching the view, which was projected on a screen. A large bald man turned to the man beside him and said, "Good work, Northwest. Everything is going according to plan."

* * *

The mob at the Diner was appeased and fed, so they dispersed. Mabel, Stan, Soos, Robbie, Tambry, and Wendy were preparing to leave when a familiar voice called to Mabel.

"Ah'll take that pizza now, peach dumplin'."

Gideon walked out from behind the diner, flanked by a couple of tough-looking goons.

"Gideon!" said Stan. "How did you get out of jail?"

"All the gravity disruption didn't just affect the town," said Gideon. "It damaged the prison walls enough to allow me and my comrades here to escape. These are my prison homies, Killbone and Ghost-Eyes."

The two other convicts grunted. Killbone was huge and muscular. Ghost-Eyes had long brown hair and scary empty eyes.

"Ah saw how that pizza is self-renewing," said Gideon. "With that, plus my muscle guys to back me, Ah can become the King of this town. And you can be my Queen, Mabel darlin'."

"Like I told you before, this is a democracy, and never," said Mabel.

She backed away, toward Soos and the others. Soos pulled the ship picture from the bag he was carrying and put it in front of him like a shield.

"You're not taking Mabel without a fight," said Stan.

"Right!" said Wendy.

"I'm not sure we should take these guys on," said Robbie.

"Come on, Robbie," said Tambry. "We're a lot harder to kill than we look."

"Dudes, and you're not taking Mabel or my pizza, either," said Soos. "Over my dead body, dudes. Hey, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Villains always have a comeback, like 'That can be arranged', you know?"

"That can be arranged," said Gideon. "Ghost-Eyes, Killbone, get him!"

"That stupid painting shield won't stop us," said Ghost-Eyes.

The two convicts charged directly at the painting. There was a splash and they were gone.

"Wow!" said Mabel. "A magic picture!"

"I never knew about that!" said Stan. "It would have been a gold mine, instant trips to the sea."

"W-what? What did you do to them?" Gideon said.

"You can find out for yourself, dude," said Soos. "Hey you guys, let's put Gideon in, too."

Wendy charged forward and grabbed one of Gideon's arms, and Tambry grabbed the other.

"Swim for the ship, dude," said Soos.

"No, wait!" said Gideon, but they threw him in with a splash.

"Soos, I don't want him to be trapped in there forever!" said Mabel. "Even Gideon doesn't deserve that."

"Not forever, dude," said Soos. "His mind was warped by that amulet he was using. It made his mind older than his body. It'll take his body a few years to catch up; then he'll be a lot nicer."

"A few years?" said Mabel.

"Time passes faster in there," said Soos. "He should be ready right about... now!"

Soos shook the painting and a taller, leaner Gideon fell out, wearing a damp sailor uniform.

"Where are your two friends, dude?" asked Soos.

"They decided the chance for a new life at sea was better than their prospects here," said Gideon.

"Gideon, you're... older," said Mabel.

"Three years older," said Gideon. "Ah'm thirteen now. But you don't look a day older from the last time Ah saw you, Mabel."

"That's because I'm not," said Mabel. "It was only a minute for me."

"Ah've learned some much-needed discipline at sea. Ah apologize for my cruel treatment of you and your brother. "

"Really?" said Mabel.

"Ah've grown out of that bratty phase," said Gideon.

"I must be crazy to say this, but... I'm willing to give you another chance," said Mabel. "One more date to see how much you've really changed."

"Huh," said Gideon. "What makes you think Ah still want to?"

"What? Don't you dare tease me by playing hard-to-get," said Mabel. "You still like me. I know it."

"All right, I admit it," said Gideon. "I accept your offer of a date."

"But first we have to take care of a demon that might get lose," said Mabel. "You know the one we mean."

"Ah do indeed," said Gideon. "Ah'm ready to settle a score with that monster."

"My brother should be back with Pacifica soon," said Mabel. "And Old Man McGucket."

* * *

Dipper, the Author, and McGucket had taken quite a while to walk all the way across town and up the hill to the Northwest Manor. Gravity disruption had torn down the gates, so they had no trouble getting in.

They heard Pacifica crying, and they ran to find her. She was wearing a dusty gown, sitting beside a trap-door in the floor of the ruined main ballroom of the mansion.

"Dipper! My parents are down in the Panic Room," Pacifica said. "They locked me out because I didn't obey them when they told me to go in before."

"It's all right now," said Dipper. "You can come stay with us."

"Yup," said McGucket. "Come on, missy."

When they got closer, Pacifica whispered, "Run!"

"What?" said Dipper.

"Run, you dummy!" hissed Pacifica.

Dipper, the Author, and McGucket found themselves surrounded by Northwest butlers and servants.

"I'm sorry, Dipper," said Pacifica. "The butlers forced me into being bait to trap you."

"How could you?" said Dipper. "You were breaking free of all that evil family stuff."

"It's not that easy," said Pacifica. "I was afraid they would hurt me."

A heavy, bald man entered the room, followed by an old man in a white shirt and black tie, who looked like the mad scientist in one of the paintings in the room where Dipper and Pacifica had hidden from the Lumberjack Ghost.

"Well, here we have them," the heavy man said. "Do you remember me, Stanford? I've gained a bit of weight since we last met."

"I've seen you before, around the Mystery Shack," said Dipper. "You're the tourist who giggles over the Stan bobble heads."

"I enjoy having Stan Pines symbolically in the palm of my hand," said the tourist.

"You look familiar," said the Author. "You're the man who was after my Journals. Him!"

"That I am," said the man. "Though I prefer to be called the Overeating Man."

"Like the Cigarette Smoking Man?" asked Dipper.

"I would never do that," said the Overeating Man. "That's unhealthy."

"And you're my grandfather, Vincent Northwest," said Pacifica to the man. "I haven't seen you in years."

"Actually you have, but the memories were erased," said Vincent.

"What about my parents? Do they know you're here?" asked Pacifica.

"Their memories were also altered," said Vincent. "They are down in the Panic Room like you thought, ignorant of the larger scheme of things."

"What do you want with us?" asked Dipper.

"We've been watching you with my living spectacle clones," said Vincent. "You were about to enact a ceremony to seal Bill Cipher away forever. That's if the ceremony is done right. Done wrong, it will release him to rule the world. That's what we desire."

"Why?" asked Dipper.

"We're his followers, and we anticipate a reward when he takes over," said the Overeating Man.

"We will have great power in the new order of things. All we need now is to capture your other team, and we can do the ceremony our way," said Vincent.

"That's insane," said the Author.

"Sanity is in the eye of the beholder," said the Overeating Man.

"Ye-haw!" said McGucket. "We're gonna be et alive by a demon. I always wanted a real spectacular end."

"See what I mean?" said the Overeating Man.


	8. The Gnomes

**The Gnomes**

Dipper, the Author, Pacifica, and Old Man McGucket were tied up in a large room that had ten pillars in a circle. Dipper and the Author were tied to pillars with one space between them, with Pacifica to the Author's left. McGucket was tied to a pillar opposite them.

Vincent Northwest and the Overeating Man were in the middle of the room, arranging a smaller circle of candles.

Dipper said, "You've got us set up like the Pine Tree, Six-Fingered Hand, Llama, and Glasses of the Wheel."

"Exactly," said the Overeating Man. "Soon we will have the rest, and we will enact our ceremony."

"I don't understand," said the Author. "Why do you want to bring this about? What possible benefit is it to you to betray humanity to the demon?"

"We expect to be rewarded, of course," said Vincent. "And it fulfills a deal our family made long ago."

"What do you mean?" asked Pacifica.

"You already know part of it," said Vincent. "Thanks to the nosy investigations of this young man and his sister. In the 1800's, your great-great grandfather, Nathaniel Northwest, was a waste-shoveling village idiot in a small settlement near here."

"I knew that," said Pacifica. "But somehow he became a leader, enough to get lumberjacks to build this mansion."

"I'll tell you how," said Vincent. "One day, he was panhandling for extra cash and he met the runaway President of the United States, Quentin Trembley."

"I've met him too," said Dipper. "The man is crazy."

"Yes, and he gave my ancestor a negative twelve dollar bill in response to his begging," said Vincent.

"That weren't very nice," said McGucket. "That just made him twelve dollars poorer, right?"

"But it was the start of the change in his fortunes," said Vincent.

"You see, unlike the common dollar bill, it has an accurate picture of Bill Cipher rather than a simple Eye in the Pyramid," said the Overeating Man. "Bill can see through any representations of himself, and carrying an accurate picture of him around can give him deeper access to a person through their dreams."

"Trembley gave me one of those!" said Dipper. "That's why..."

"Trembley himself made a deal that got him the Presidency," said the Overeating Man. "Government investigations have shown that the landslide that wiped out his opponents was no accident."

"Nathaniel Northwest began to have vivid dreams in which the triangle demon appeared, offering him a chance at a better life," said Vincent. "He would be shown in a dream where to find magic mushrooms that would increase his intelligence, and give him cunning."

"He used that cunning to betray Trembley," said the Overeating Man. "He sent a message to the government telling them where Trembley was, in the newly-founded town of Gravity Falls. That's how Nathaniel got himself appointed the founder of the town. But by the time government agents arrived here to take him, Trembley had hidden himself in a secret cave, in a block of peanut brittle, leaving a paper with cryptic clues to his hiding place that nobody could figure out."

"Until Mabel did," said Dipper.

"What was the catch to the deal with the demon?" asked the Author. "There always is one."

"The first was for a future generation of Northwests to sacrifice a firstborn child for his Wheel," said Vincent.

"A firstborn child? Me?" asked Pacifica.

"Yes, but we didn't want to sacrifice our actual Pacifica," said Vincent. "She's at a fancy boarding school in Europe. You are her clone, with llama genes added for extra obedience and docility."

"What?" yelled Pacifica. "I can't believe this."

"You found out about this once before," said the Overeating Man. "We had to call in the Society of the Blind Eye to erase your memories."

"They've been disbanded," said Dipper.

"We don't need them anymore," said the Overeating Man. "Not with the end so close at hand."

Pacifica stared at the floor, trying to take this in.

"There was one more part of the deal for Nathaniel Northwest," said Vincent. "He was to help Bill cover his tracks, toward the end of his life. Nathaniel agreed."

"Cover them how?" asked McGucket.

"Bill possessed him and shouted out crazy things about being a powerful wizard who could eat trees, and ate bark so that he choked. That was the end of his life."

"What a deal," said Dipper bitterly.

"The intelligence and cunning that Nathaniel gained was passed on to his descendants," said the Overeating Man. "Bartholomew Northwest cheated the Indians out of their land. Davy Northwest over-hunted and decimated the animal population of the area. And Cyrus Northwest sabotaged his neighbor's crops and robbed them when they came to buy food from him."

"Those secret paintings we found," said Dipper. "You were in one of the pictures, too, Mr. Northwest."

"It records my breakthroughs in cloning," said Vincent. "In one corner of the painting you could see my greatest triumph... living spectacles. Anything the wearer saw was transmitted back to me automatically."

"That's how you were spying on me!" said the Author. "I was sure I was being watched but I didn't know how you were doing it. That's why I resorted to codes and invisible ink in my Journals."

"But you weren't wearing them that fateful day you disappeared," said Vincent. "You left that pair behind and wore an older pair of real glasses."

"I was planning something risky and I didn't want the newer ones broken," said the Author.

"Wait a second," said McGucket. "That means the glasses I've got on my nose right now are alive?"

The glasses wiggled on his nose, and McGucket yelled. He shook his head, but the living glasses held on tight.

"It may be the Glasses themselves rather than you who are the true symbol for that position on the Wheel," said the Overeating Man. "It doesn't matter if we a have a ringer in our Wheel. Doing the ceremony correctly would seal Bill Cipher, but doing it wrong will release him to full power."

* * *

Meanwhile, the other team was preparing to leave the vicinity of Greasy's Diner.

"Now we just need to go back to the Bunker and wait for Team Beta to come back with Pacifica and Old Man McGucket," said Mabel.

"Team Beta?" asked Stan.

"We're Team Alpha, since I'm the alpha twin," said Mabel.

There was a crashing sound in the woods and a giant assembly of gnomes came out next to the Diner.

The lead gnome came down from the top and stood in front of them. "Hi, Mabel!"

"Jeff, I don't have time for this," said Mabel. "We're trying to save the world. And the answer is still no."

Gideon came and stood beside Mabel, "Leave her alone or y'all will answer to me."

"That's not why we're here," said Jeff.

"Why are you here?" asked Stan.

"The first thing is, we're worried about our food supply," said Jeff. "We steal pies from the Diner, and now it looks like it's going to be closed for good."

"That's not very nice of you," said Mabel. "Hey Lazy Susan, come out here. I have some guys who admit to stealing from you."

"Is it safe?" asked Susan.

"The mob is gone. It's just us and some gnomes here now."

Susan came out, took a look at the gnomes, and screeched. "Little bearded men!"

"Don't you remember us?" asked Jeff. "We've seen you before."

"I didn't, but it's starting to come back to me," said Susan. "You've been stealing my pies, right?"

"Yes, they're a major source of food for us," said Jeff.

"Sorry, I don't know how I can keep the Diner open, with things in such a mess," said Susan. "I have an old wood stove, so I could cook, but getting fresh ingredients will be a problem."

"The gnomes can gather berries and fish for you," said Jeff. "We just don't know how to cook."

"Maybe we could work something out," said Lazy Susan.

"What's the second thing you wanted?" Stan asked.

"What?" asked Jeff.

"Food was the first thing, so what was the second?" asked Stan.

"Oh yeah, the second thing is about the Northwests," said Jeff. "We have a direct view of their Manor from our place in the woods, and it looks like they're up to something really bad."

"Pacifica's parents are awful," said Mabel. "But Pacifica isn't that bad. She's nice, deep down, and I think Dipper is starting to like her."

"We hoped the Lumberjack Ghost would destroy them all. We even gave him extra nature powers to help him do it. But it didn't work," said Jeff.

"Pacifica saved everyone by turning against her parents' selfish ways," said Mabel.

"We like her now," said Jeff. "She stood up as a champion of nature against those despoilers. I think of her as nature's greatest warrior."

"Like a llama," said Mabel.

"That's why we came here with an offer for you," said Jeff. "Pacifica, your brother, your great-uncle, and that old hillbilly have been captured by the Northwests."

"Oh, no!" said Mabel.

"We'll help you rescue her, and we ask only one thing in exchange," said Jeff.

"What's that?" asked Mabel.

"That you get Pacifica to marry us," said Jeff.

"No!" said Mabel.

"We're not going to do your dirty work for you this time, not unless there's a bride in it for us," said Jeff. "Either you or Pacifica has to marry us and be our queen."

"My Mabel is not marrying you!" said Gideon. "Back off or else!"

"Men! You just don't get it, do you?" said Mabel. "I'm not an object to be bargained for and fought over, and neither is Pacifica. We're people. We have the right to say no, and be respected."

"Yeah!" said Wendy.

"Good for you!" said Tambry.

"Gnomes, thanks for the warning about the Northwests. We'll rescue Dipper and Pacifica without your help. So you can just leave," said Mabel.

"That's right," said Gideon.

"As for you, Gideon, you called me your Mabel, and got threatening, just like you did with Dipper when you thought he was coming between us. I don't think three years at sea has changed you all that much."

"But sugah plum..." said Gideon.

Mabel said, "We still need you for the Wheel ceremony, but unless I see a lot of improvement the date is off."

"Ah'll try," said Gideon, hanging his head.

"Goodbye, and good luck with the Northwests," said Jeff.

He climbed back onto the assembled gnomes, preparing to leave.

"Hold on a second," said Lazy Susan. "You have an opening for a queen? I might be interested."

"Susan! You're undermining my moral message here," said Mabel.

"I'm my own person with choices, too," said Susan. "I'm not getting any younger."

"We'll court you and you can decide whether you like us," said Jeff.

"All right," said Susan. "It can't be worse than the last time I tried dating. The guy never returned my calls."

She gave Stan a cross look.

"No rough stuff," Mabel warned. "I'll be checking on you. Leaf blowers may not work anymore, but I have monsters on my side."

"That's right," said Robbie, and Tambry nodded.

"You can come visit me a few at a time," said Susan. "I hope you like cats. I have six and I dress them up in cute little outfits. Mr. Cat Face is especially cute."

"Cats..." said Jeff. "Well, nobody's perfect."

"This is actually romantic!" said Mabel. "I hope it works out for you, like with Gompers and Waddles."

"Speaking of Waddles, have you found him yet?" asked Tambry.

"No, I've seen Gompers around but not Waddles," said Mabel. "I keep hoping he'll turn up."

"It's nice of you to care about her pig," said Robbie, giving Tambry a side hug.

"It's a tender side of you I never realized," said Mabel.

"You have no idea how much Waddles means to me," said Tambry.

"Wow..." said Mabel. "You can help me find him later... but right now I have a brother to rescue. It's a close decision, but bro-bro has to come first."

"You gnomes helping us after all?" asked Stan.

"Yes," said Jeff. "You helped us find a potential bride, so we're in."

"Good," said Susan. "As long as you're careful out there."

"Then let's make a plan," said Stan.


	9. The Rescue

**The Rescue**

"Gnomes of the forest, move out!" said Jeff.

The giant gnome formation began to walk, carrying the humans in a belly pouch they had formed.

"Try not to step on my face," a gnome below Tambry said.

"Sorry," said Tambry.

Another gnome called, "Hey Jeff, there's a glasses-shaped creature trying to hitch a ride on top of my hat."

"Brush it off," Jeff suggested.

"No, pass it to me," said Soos. "I'd like a cool little monster as a pet."

The gnomes grabbed the living glasses creature and passed it hand to hand until it reached Soos.

Soos tied the earpieces of the glasses together with a rubber band to keep it from running away, and put the creature in his bag with the painting, the piece of carpet, and the make-pretend race set.

The gnome assembly made swift progress, and soon they were nearly at the grounds of Northwest Manor.

"Let's do this right. Remember the plan," said Stan.

Mabel yelled, "Chaaarge!"

The gnomes listened to Mabel and dashed onto the grounds. A high-pitched whistle played over hidden speakers, and the gnome formation collapsed to the ground as the gnomes covered their ears and ran.

The invading team was quickly subdued by robed figures and taken inside Northwest Manor.

* * *

Inside the ceremony room, the rest of the Ten were tied to columns to fill in the empty spaces of the Wheel. Tambry was tied up to the side as an extra hostage.

"Stan and Mabel, why weren't you more careful?" Dipper demanded. "Now we're all caught."

"You were fools to try to use gnomes," said Vincent Northwest. "I've studied them and I know all their weaknesses."

"This is perfect," gloated the Overeating Man. "Bring in the tapestry and the banner of our society and the ceremony can begin."

Two hooded figures brought in a tapestry showing Bill Cipher floating in triumph over the world, with two people bowing before him, next to a tree in flames.

"This prophecy cloth was made by native Americans a generation ago. It failed to come to pass at that time, due to the lack of cooperation by a powerful shaman, but this time we will not fail," said Vincent.

"We're not going to cooperate, either," said Dipper.

"We don't need a shaman this time," said Vincent. "All you have to do is be here."

"Do you see the nine bones at the bottom of the tapestry?" asked the Overeating Man. "It means that nine out of ten of you will die to bring about the rule of our Master."

"What happens to the tenth one?" asked Stan.

"He or she will become a permanent vessel for the Master to rule this world," said Vincent.

"Probably me," said Dipper bitterly. "That's why the triangle was trying out possessing me before."

"It was not revealed to us which one," said the Overeating Man. "But guess what? Even if the sealing ceremony was done correctly, one of you would have had to die."

"What? I didn't know that," said the Author.

"Here comes the banner of our secret society," said Vincent. "We're ready to finish this."

Two more hooded figures brought in the banner of the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel and hung it beside the prophecy tapestry.

"Stan! You have a banner like that hanging up in the Mystery Shack," said Dipper. "You're a member!"

"I didn't know it was like this," said Stan. "It wasn't this bad when I was in it, before they kicked me out."

"You're lying!" said Dipper. "I bet you've been in on this all along."

The hooded figures unmasked, revealing a group of fishermen the twins had seen at Gravity Falls Lake on the day of the Gobblewonker. The first man was skinny, had glasses, wore a fishing hat and an orange life-vest, and had sunscreen on his nose. The second man was heavyset and bald, with a lot of hair on his arms and hair stubble on his chin. The third man had a large mouth with buck teeth, and he was wearing a fishing hat with fish-hooks stuck in it . The fourth was a short man with yellow buck teeth, with a gray mustache and beard. He wore an orange cap.

"I'm glad now you didn't 'like' or 'trust' me enough to be my fishing buddies, you traitors to the human race!" said Stan.

"Dipper, my brother wouldn't betray humanity to a demon," said the Author. "He's made a lot of mistakes, but nothing like that."

"You don't know," said Dipper. "It's been thirty years. Maybe he's possessed."

"It doesn't matter," said the Overeating Man. "Find the words of invocation in the Journal."

Vincent looked through the three confiscated journals. "The summoning spell ought to do it. Triangulum, entangulum..."

Gnomes came pouring out of the ventilation ducts. They menaced the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel members with their pointy hats.

"I'm prepared," said Vincent. He drew a dog whistle from his pocket and blew it hard.

It had no effect. The gnomes swarmed over him and took the whistle away. Soon the prisoners were freed and the Royal Order members were tied up instead.

"We sure fooled you guys!" said Mabel.

"Why weren't you affected by the whistle?" Dipper asked the gnomes.

Jeff pulled something out of his ears. "Tiny ear-plugs. We learned from that time with Gideon."

Stan laughed. "We didn't want to have to search the whole mansion for you, so we figured the easiest way was to get ourselves captured and get taken to you, while the gnomes kept track of us for a rescue."

"Let's get out of here," said Pacifica. "I can't stand being in this place another minute."

"You can stay with me," said Dipper. "I mean... with us."

"No wonder they treated me like a trained animal," said Pacifica. "To them I was one."

"We'll be your family from now on," said Mabel. "We love animals."

* * *

When they got outside, Wendy said, "Now what?"

"We have to find a place to do the ceremony right," said Stan.

Dipper had picked up the Journals. He shined his portable black light on the summoning page in Journal 2, revealing a message in invisible ink. "It says here the best place to seal him is the place he was last summoned."

"That is correct," said the Author. "But where is that?"

"Ah can show you," said Gideon.

The gnomes re-assembled and gave them quick transport to the summoning site, among a group of aspen trees.

"This is it," said Dipper. "If we do this wrong, all but one of us dies and the world is lost. If we do it right, one of us dies and we save the world."

"We're not sticking around, just in case something goes wrong," said Jeff. "We're off to visit Lazy Susan."

"Thanks for your help, and good luck with your date," said Mabel.

The gnomes scampered away.

The Author took candles from his pocket and began setting them up in a circle around the site.

Stan whispered to Soos, "Let me see your bag of stuff for a minute."

"Sure thing, Mr. Pines," said Soos, handing it over.

Dipper watched with suspicion as Stan drew out a rubber-gloved hand with something in it. Stan moved toward the Author, approaching him from behind.

"Grunkle Stanford, watch out!" Dipper called out.

The Author spun around, a wild look on his face and his hands in claws. He swiped at Stan, but Stan blocked him with his left arm. With his right hand Stan touched the Author with the object he held. There was a snap of static electricity and the Author fell to the ground.

Stan held up the bound pair of living spectacles. "I charged these with the piece of Electron Carpet and swapped him into them."

"Why did you do that?" asked Dipper.

"We had no chance of doing the sealing ceremony right with him in it," said Stan.

"Why?" Dipper asked again.

"Because I figured out he's not really my brother," said Stan. "He was possessed."


	10. The Ringer

**The Ringer**

"What? No!" said Dipper. "How do you figure that Grunkle Stanford's possessed?"

"He's been too nice," said Stan. "He accepted you kids without any question, and he wouldn't believe accusations against me when we were caught by the secret society."

"And that's bad?" asked Mabel.

"My brother became paranoid. He trusted no one," said Stan.

"It's been thirty years, ten for him. Maybe he mellowed," said Dipper. "If that's all you've got, I think you should put him back in his body."

"Did Stanford tell you about how he ended up in another dimension?" asked Stan.

"He said the Portal was going unstable, and one person had to cross over to reduce the dimensional fields before it was shut down," said Dipper.

"That doesn't match what I saw that day," said Stan. "There were signs of a big struggle. I think he got possessed, maybe on purpose, and his helpers threw his possessed body out through the Portal to shut the demon out of the world."

McGucket said, "It's starting to come back to me. I reckon that's what happened, all righty. Me and Ivan had to fight to push him in, then we high-tailed it with a Journal each."

"Then I was right after all," said Dipper. "It was a huge mistake to let him back."

"Oh, no!" said Mabel.

"Maybe, but he would have found a way sooner or later," said Stan. "There are journal notes saying that doing the ceremony right is the only way to get rid of him for good."

"But doing it wrong will let him take over the world, according to my grandfather," said Pacifica. "We have to be really careful."

"I'm going to check the Journals for clues," said Dipper. "The most important ones must be in Journal 3, since the triangle was trying to destroy it."

"That makes sense," said Stan.

Dipper opened Journal 3 and shined his portable black light on it. "I found something written on the blank pages in invisible ink, but I couldn't read it. It's in a number code, but not A=1, Z=26."

Pacifica asked, "Does the Author use codes like that in the Journals?"

"Yes, especially a Caesar cipher set three letters back," said Dipper.

"I've heard of that one," said Pacifica. "They made me study all sorts of secret writing in my family."

Dipper pointed to the list of crossed out codes on the Bill Cipher page. "Caesar, Atbash, and A1Z26 are all names of codes, but it may not be any of them since all three are crossed out."

"Unless it's saying any one of them by itself isn't enough," said Pacifica. "Have you tried all three together?"

"That's a great idea, Pacifica," said Dipper. "You're a girl after my own heart."

Pacifica gave him a warm smile.

Dipper looked at the encoded pages again, using the listed codes in reverse order. He was able to decode a message:

"I will let him possess me, and I have ordered my assistants to push my body into the Portal and shut it down. That will reduce him to just watching through his images. But if he is ever summoned again it will take doing the Ceremony correctly to shut him out of the world for good. I hope that the Ten of the prophecy can do it, if it ever come to that. Be careful, he will be tricky and try to make it go wrong. He may supply his own ringer for one of the symbols."

"Good, bro-bro!" said Mabel. "You found what we needed to know."

Dipper read on, and said, "The ten have to be touching in a circle, in the order shown by the wheel. There are words for one of us to recite, and that's it."

"Does it say that one of us will die when we do it?" asked Robbie. "I'm undead, so it wouldn't be so bad in my case, but..."

"It does say something about a sacrifice of life," said Dipper. "The burning tree in that tapestry makes me think it will be one of the Pines. If we do it wrong, all but one of us will die and the demon will rule through the last one."

Soos said, "Dudes, maybe we shouldn't do this at all. I don't want anyone to die."

"We have 24 hours from when the Ten are first gathered to complete the ceremony, or it counts as a failure," said Dipper. "If we're not together, we'll just die wherever we are. We're committed now."

"Then let's get this over quickly," said Pacifica. She held out her hands and moved into the circle.

"We have to make sure we have the right people," said Tambry. "Your grandfather said that the demon made a deal with your family to put you in as the Llama. If the demon wanted you in, then you could be a ringer without knowing it."

"Who else is there to be the Llama, if not me?" asked Pacifica.

"Me," said Tambry. She shape-shifted into a copy of Mabel, wearing a llama sweater with the symbol reversed so it matched the one on the Wheel.

"Tambry, Just because you can change to look the part doesn't make you a better fit for the Llama than Pacifica," said Dipper.

"It does," said Tambry. "Because this is who I really am. I'm Mabel from an alternate time-line. I'm a mirror of Mabel, so I'm the right one to wear a mirror image of a symbol from her sweaters."

"No, you're not Mabel! You're Tambry! You're my girlfriend!" said Robbie.

"Robbie, I am your girlfriend, and I love you," said the other Mabel. "But I'm not really Tambry. The real Tambry and her family were paid to move out of town a year ago by agents of the Time Baby."

"What does the Time Baby have to do with all this?" asked Dipper.

"He's worried about the triangle taking over and messing up his future," said the other Mabel. "I was given injections of shape-shifter genes and I took Tambry's place. That's why I was texting all the time, to report in."

"So that's why you said Waddles was important to you," said the original Mabel. "Because you're me."

"That's right," said the other Mabel.

"I've been in love with a lie," said Robbie. "You lied to me, you phony."

"I'm sorry, Robbie," said the other Mabel. "I had to keep this a secret until the last minute, so the demon didn't catch on."

"Don't feel too bad if you end up breaking up," said the original Mabel. "You're only in love in the first place because I gave you both a love potion on some fries."

"What?" said Robbie. "This is just perfect."

"I thought something tasted funny on those fries," said the other Mabel.

"Are you mad?" asked Mabel.

"Yes!" said Robbie.

"Sort of, but it seems like the kind of thing I would do if I had love potion," said the other Mabel. "We can settle this after the ceremony."

"What shall we call you, other me?" asked Mabel. "What about Lebam, my name spelled backwards?"

"I don't like that name. It's too silly. I've always liked the name Googie."

"Okay, Googie it is!" said Mabel.

"Googie, you're in," said Dipper. "Pacifica, no hard feelings, all right? You're a good person, and I'm glad you're on our side. You're just not the Llama."

"I'm all right with that," said Pacifica. "It was all a scheme by my evil family, if I can even call them my family anymore. My keepers."

"We just have to figure out any other tricks the demon may have in store for us," said Dipper. "This is the hardest puzzle I've ever had to solve, and the most that's ever been at stake. I'd appreciate any help the rest of you can give me."


	11. The Ceremony

**The Ceremony**

"Any more clues in your Journal, bro-bro?" Mabel asked.

"There's another section, but it's in a symbol code I haven't figured out yet," said Dipper. "I hope I can crack it before my black light battery runs out of juice."

"May I see it?" asked Gideon. He looked it over and smiled. "There was a bunch of that code in Journal 2. I cracked it, memorized it and I can still read it as easy as English."

"Great, then please read it for us," said Dipper.

Gideon cleared his throat and read, "When my body is possessed and sent to the other dimension, my soul will remain here, invisible. I believe being in two parts will help with the Ceremony. My body will be the Six-Fingered Hand, while my soul represents the Glasses. I have practiced the art of overshadowing the soul of animals. Find the animal that I control and you will find me. I will mark it in a way that does it no serious harm."

"Does he mean Waddles?" asked Mabel. "He acts almost human, sometimes."

"I think it could be Gompers," said Dipper. "The tip of one of his horns is broken off. When I first found Journal 3 he was there, and he acted like he wanted it."

"There's a bit more," said Gideon. "Put my real glasses on the animal. Don't use the spare glasses from my room, because they're an artificial life form created by Him to spy on me."

"Good point," said Dipper.

Gideon continued, "Swap the demon out of my body with the Electron Carpet, and put in someone who helped create the journals. Put all things pertaining to the demon in the center of the circle."

"Someone who helped create the Journals?" asked Dipper. "Did you help, Grandpa Stan?"

"Not me," said Stan. "My brother usually didn't usually let anyone else write in them, but one time he and McGucket played a game of tic-tac-toe on a page."

"I don't recall that, but if you say so," said McGucket. "If you find the goat, you ain't gonna need me for the Glasses, so I can be in the body of the Six-Finger guy, I reckon."

"Good, thanks Mr. McGucket," said Dipper.

"I almost forgot! These glasses what I'm wearin' are a monster!"

McGucket pulled the living spectacles off his nose and threw them to the ground. They scuttled away.

Stan got the carpet out of the bag Soos brought, and they soon had McGucket in the Author's body. Now the other glasses creature was in McGucket's body, and it didn't know how to stand up. The secured it with a rope to a nearby pine tree, just in case it tried to escape.

"We just need to find Gompers and our circle of ten will be complete," said Dipper.

"We'll find Waddles and Gompers together," said Mabel. "After all, they're a married couple."

"They were only together because you taped them together," said Dipper. "I doubt very much if..."

"Waddles! Sooey! Sooey!" Mabel called, interrupting her brother.

Waddles came running up, with Gompers close behind.

"See!" said Mabel, sweeping up the pig into her arms. "I missed you so much, Waddles!"

"So, you're the Author," Dipper said to the goat. "We're about to do the ceremony to seal away Bill."

Gompers nodded, and moved to where McGucket stood in the body of the Author. Gompers grabbed at the trench coat with its mouth.

"It's all right, goat," said McGucket. "I ain't the enemy. It's me, Fiddleford."

"I think it wants something in your pocket, dude," said Soos.

McGucket looked in the trench coat pocket and found a quill pen. Gompers seized it in his mouth.

"He wants to write something," said Dipper. He held out Journal 3 on a blank page.

The goat wrote in a large scrawl: "THE FEZ IS WRONG."

"What does that mean? Stan is a ringer?" asked Dipper, giving Stan a suspicious scowl.

"THE SYMBOL," wrote Gompers.

"How could it be wrong?" asked Stan. "This is the fez I always wear, and it's always looked like this. It matches the Wheel drawing."

"I think I know what he means," said Googie. "I'm from a different timeline. Your symbol has changed from the one we have. Ours is a crescent moony thing with a handle on the back. Yours is a Pac-Man Fish eating a dot. If you look at it sideways, it's like a triangle with one eye."

"It's a thing that pertains to the demon!" said Dipper. "He must have used our jumping around in time to cause the design to change, in order to mess up the ceremony. You have to take it off and put it in the center, Stan."

"Then what will I wear for the Wheel?" asked Stan.

"Give me a few minutes and I'll knit you a new hat with the right symbol," said Googie. "I'm a fast knitter, like Mabel."

"That's 'cause you're me," said Mabel.

She handed Googie some yarn and knitting needles, and Googie got to work on the new fez.

"Let's get all the other stuff out of our pockets that has his image," said Dipper.

He took out the negative twelve dollar bill and put it into the center of the circle. All the others got rid of their regular one-dollar bills with the Eye in the Pyramid. Dipper tore the images of Bill Cipher out of the Journals and added those as well.

Stan put in the bad fez, and the captured glasses that were possessed by Bill. He put on the new fez when Googie finished it.

McGucket took off the glasses the Author was wearing, and put them on Gompers.

"I reckon these specs are real, since they have a crack in 'em," said McGucket.

"I think we're ready," said Dipper. "Let's do this."

"I have a request before we do," said Gideon. "Mabel, may I have a goodbye kiss from you?"

"Umm," said Mabel, looking unhappy at the idea.

"Please, Mabel," said Gideon. "We could all be about to die. I'd like one farewell kiss from my peach dumplin', all right?"

"He did help us read the clues. I'll do it if you won't," said Googie.

"I'd rather kiss the real Mabel," said Gideon. "But..."

Googie moved in close to Gideon, who was now a little taller than she was after his three years in the dimension of the ship painting. She grabbed him and gave him a kiss, which seemed to last a little longer than she expected.

"You're a pretty good kisser," Googie told Gideon when she had finished.

"Thank you kindly," said Gideon.

"How did you learn to kiss like that?" asked Googie.

"Well, there were a couple of sailors on the ship..." said Gideon, turning red.

"Too much information," said Googie, pushing back from him.

"None of your kisses for me, fake Tambry," said Robbie. "I'll just feel my angst to the end."

"Dipper, would you like a goodbye kiss?" Wendy asked, starting to move toward him.

"Hold it, sister," said Pacifica, pushing Wendy out of the way. "Nobody kisses Dipper but me."

Pacifica pulled Dipper into a kiss, a long one.

"Sorry, I got a little carried away," said Pacifica when she came up for air. "Can I pay all of you to pretend that never happened?"

"You're not rich any more, right?" said Mabel. "There's no way we're going to let you and Dipper forget this."

"I don't want to," said Dipper, with a big grin.

"You could all get wiped out... but please don't," said Pacifica.

Everyone got into their places in the circle, joining hands. (The ones next to Gompers held his right forelegs).

The order was: Soos (the Question Mark), Wendy (the Ice Bag), Stan (the Crescent), Dipper (the Pine Tree), Gideon (the All-Seeing Pentagram), McGucket in the Author's body (the Six-Fingered Hand), Googie (the Llama), Mabel (the Shooting Star), Robbie (the Stitched Heart), and Gompers, overshadowed by the spirit of the Author (the Glasses).

Dipper read the words, "Exodus triangulum. Null entangulum. Pandemonium finite incantatum."

The world turned gray and a giant glowing figure of Bill Cipher appeared.

"HA HA! THIS IS THE MOMENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! NOW I'LL BEGIN MY NIGHTMARE RULE... WAIT A SECOND! I'M FADING OUT! I'M GOING INTO LIMBO FOREVER! CURSE YOU, SOMEHOW YOU MEAT-BAGS GOT IT CLOSE ENOUGH TO RIGHT..."

The giant triangle shrank and shrank until it disappeared with a pop. Everyone shook their heads as they woke from the mini-dream.

There was a cheer from everyone.

"We did it!" Mabel yelled.

"Awesome!" yelled Dipper.

"Nobody died!" said Robbie.

"I wouldn't say that," said McGucket, in the Author's body.

He pointed to the pine tree where they had tied McGucket's regular body with the glasses creature inside.

The tree was ablaze, and the body was reduced to a skeleton.


	12. The Finale

**The Finale**

"What are we going to do about my brother?" asked Stan. "He needs his body back, but..."

The Author, in Gompers, took the pen in his mouth and wrote in the journal again. "FIDDLEFORD KEEPS IT. IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO SINCE HE DIED TO SAVE THE WORLD,"

"Great horned toads! Thanks, Stanford. This body's way better'n the one I wrecked up with the mind-eraser," said McGucket. "Besides that, I've regained my innocence."

"ENOUGH ABOUT THAT," wrote the Author.

"Now what are we going to do?" asked Dipper. "We've dealt with the big threat, but the world's still a wreck."

Stan said, "Stay here. This valley is defensible. We have magic and monsters to help keep it safe. This place can be a haven for preserving civilization until things get back to normal."

"But what about Mom and Dad?" asked Mabel. "We have to go home and rescue them, bring them here."

Stan sighed. "You're right, I can't leave my son and my daughter-in-law out there. I saw a battery-powered short-wave radio in the Bunker. We can try to find out what's going on out there, find the safest way to get them here."

"I'll go with you, when you go," said Mabel.

Dipper said, "Me too. Mabel and Grandpa Stan, I was wrong. I was so blinded by hurt pride that I turned against you."

"It's all right, Dipper," said Stan. "I understand how you could feel that way. I wouldn't trust me either, after all that."

"I told the demon in Grunkle Stanford's body that I trusted him more than you. He did nothing but lie to me, and he tried to trick me into messing up the ceremony. Deep down, I knew that I should have trusted you, the family I've known and lived with."

"It's all forgiven, bro-bro," said Mabel. "Awkward family hug?"

Dipper, Mabel, and Stan moved into a group hug. A moment later, Gompers joined them, too.

"Pat, pat," said all the family members who could speak.

Pacifica came up to them. "Mind if I join you? My old family is broken, and I'd like to take you up on your offer to be part of yours."

"Yes," said Dipper.

"Of course," said Mabel.

They opened the hug to include her.

"Well, this is nice," said Robbie. "You all have someone. I just have double my unhappiness back, like Mabel promised."

Wendy turned to him. "Robbie, now that you and not-Tambry have broken up, I wanted to tell you that seeing you together made me a little jealous. Is there a chance we might... put things together again?"

Robbie held out a hand to her. "You know, I'd really like that."

Googie said, "I guess that leaves me out for good. I enjoyed being with you, Robbie. I wish we could stay friends."

"Distant friends," said Wendy.

"Yeah, distant," said Robbie, putting an arm around Wendy.

"I had an idea, Googie," said Mabel. "We're both at loose ends, relationship-wise. We could hang out together."

"Good idea," said Googie. "We have a lot in common."

"Plus, you're a shape changer. Could you... do Xyler and Craz for me?"

Googie giggled at the thought. "Which one would you like first?"

"Woop woop!" said Mabel, taking Googie by the hand.

"But what about me, Mabel?" asked Gideon. "I was three years at sea, hoping all that time to redeem myself in your eyes."

"We can't be togther," said Mabel firmly. "There are too many issues between us."

"Gideon, I'll introduce you to my two old posse members, Tiffany and Heather," said Pacifica. "Before they find out I'm a nobody now."

"Would social high-ups like them date an ex-jailbird like me?" asked Gideon.

"Society has broken down," said Pacifica. "The social classes will be re-arranging themselves. If you don't hit it off with them, I'm sure you'll find someone. You have a ruggedly handsome sailor physique."

"Thank you," said Gideon.

"You'd be tempting to me, but I've already found my guy," said Pacifica, taking Dipper by the hand and smiling at him.

Dipper smiled back.

"So romantic, dudes," said Soos. "Pairs everywhere. When we go out rescuing people, maybe we can stop by Portland and find Melody."

"Yay, Soos!" said Mabel. "We'll make it happen."

"We all deserve some happiness," said Dipper. "We saved the world."

* * *

Bill Cipher floated in limbo, with nothing but whiteness all around him.

It wasn't good, but it wasn't entirely hopeless. With extreme mental effort, he had managed to reach the Dreamscape of a parallel universe, where he found the receptive mind of a young writer, looking for ideas for a cartoon show.

If it became popular, his image would be everywhere. He could start watching, gathering information and power. He could even foresee taking over the mind of the writer while he slept in order to have an AMA session on the internet, which might net him some followers.

New worlds to conquer.


End file.
